Proud to claim half this DNA

A-"I know smart...and those kids are NOT smart."

Self mutilation takes a new form

E-"Owwwww! I just punched myself in the face. Man, I feel sorry for anyone I get in a fight with. I punch hard!"

Well that's ok then...

Me-"That was rather sexist!"
KG*-"What was sexist?"
Me-"When you handled me your jacket, button, and sewing kit and said 'Here, fix this.'"
KG*-"It wasn't sexist. I just thought you're a woman and would be better at sewing."

Jurassic travel tips

Overheard-"So, just so you know, when being chased by a raptor, they do apparently obey traffic laws."

Good advice.

"FYI. No matter how much your body is craving protien, half a log of summer sausage is way too much."

Well yes....but no.

*While playing Family Feud. Question is "Something that might be dangerous if done without lessons."
Me-"Oh man...what you do call jumping out of a plane?"
A-"Dead?"

Very punny.

Me-"T*, you lost the milk!"
T*-"I didn't remember you buying any milk!"
Me-"YOU sacked it, and put it in the car!"
ExHub-"Maybe it was Milk of Amnesia?"