How do Germans tie their shoes?

After a horrible anti-Semitic joke

Me-"Wow. Can't wait for you to meet my family."

SL-"Why? They're not Jewish."

Gender roles are so passe.

MK*-"So whatcha gonna name your daughter?"
PK*-"I dunno. I wanted to name her Starscream, but the wife said no."
MK*-"Of course not, P...that's a boy's name!"

The end of the Dead Baby Joke run

Me-"What's red, shiny, and screaming? A dead baby with forks in its eyes."
E-"... Child Protection Services are on their way. Have *A* ready."

Save on postage, too!

Cap-"I don't understand why Angelina Jolie feels the need to adopt all these kids overseas when there are plenty of kids over here that need help."
A*-"That's right! Buy American!"

Might wanna watch that wording.

Waiter-"And how would you like your burger cooked?"
Cap-"Ummm, all brown?"

So close...no...not really.

A-"What's the name of that duck guy in Batman who walks around with an umbrella?"
Me-"The Penguin. 'Cause he's a penguin. Not a duck."
A-"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."

And silica to repel moisture!

K-"I just found Soul Food Seasoning at a store."
Me-"What's in it?"
K-"Little bit of funk, little bit of jive, and a whole lotta soul!"