The end of the Dead Baby Joke run

Me-"What's red, shiny, and screaming? A dead baby with forks in its eyes."
E-"... Child Protection Services are on their way. Have *A* ready."

Save on postage, too!

Cap-"I don't understand why Angelina Jolie feels the need to adopt all these kids overseas when there are plenty of kids over here that need help."
A*-"That's right! Buy American!"

Might wanna watch that wording.

Waiter-"And how would you like your burger cooked?"
Cap-"Ummm, all brown?"

So close...no...not really.

A-"What's the name of that duck guy in Batman who walks around with an umbrella?"
Me-"The Penguin. 'Cause he's a penguin. Not a duck."
A-"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."

And silica to repel moisture!

K-"I just found Soul Food Seasoning at a store."
Me-"What's in it?"
K-"Little bit of funk, little bit of jive, and a whole lotta soul!"

Proud to claim half this DNA

A-"I know smart...and those kids are NOT smart."

Self mutilation takes a new form

E-"Owwwww! I just punched myself in the face. Man, I feel sorry for anyone I get in a fight with. I punch hard!"

Well that's ok then...

Me-"That was rather sexist!"
KG*-"What was sexist?"
Me-"When you handled me your jacket, button, and sewing kit and said 'Here, fix this.'"
KG*-"It wasn't sexist. I just thought you're a woman and would be better at sewing."

Jurassic travel tips

Overheard-"So, just so you know, when being chased by a raptor, they do apparently obey traffic laws."